About seven years ago, I was depressed...

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About seven years ago, I was depressed...

 Everybody's familiar with God the Consuming Fire, God the jealous God, God the commander who wants us to always do His bidding, and God the killer of his enemies.

But there's also God the friend who sticks closer than a brother.

About seven years ago, I was depressed and traumatised. Nothing in my life was working. I'd suffered the loss of an almost-marriage and it seemed that loss claimed everything else I had going for me. I honestly didn't want to live anymore, but I was too chicken to do something about it. I would cry myself to sleep, and many mornings I' wake up crying. I would wake up with tears rolling down my face, and I'd taste bile on my tongue, and I'd be heaving those cry-sighs. From sleep. To make it worse, I didn't have anyone to talk to.

I couldn't even pray anymore, as a result of the trauma but I would sometimes say "God, please help me." Then one morning, I woke up crying as usual, feeling heavily depressed and then from nowhere I felt a mixture of love and peace and calm. It was so strong that my tears just stopped. I felt like someone had just hugged me, wiped my tears and told me everything would be alright, followed a deep well of emotional relief flowing through my being. This thing happened to me a number of times after that first time.

To be honest, I know that these experiences defy logic, but believe me they are real. I would know because they happened to me. 

Last night, I lay in my room in the dark and just let my mind roam, and I remembered what I consider to be the darkest time of my life, the dark days of trauma and depression, and how it was God who slooooooowwwwwwwllllllyyyyyyyyyy helped me out of that sinkhole. As I type, I'm reminded of two scriptures: first that God is that friend that sticks closer than a brother; and second, there's no greater love than the love that motivates a man to die for his friends. 

I shared that to say that there's no friend quite like God, who knows exactly how you feel at every given time, who listens to you no questions asked, who'll hug you and tell you everything's going to be alright in the end and that comes with relief. He gives the best advice too, because he can tell the end from the beginning. You know how you have that one friend who's not afraid to tell you exactly as it is, no mincing of words, and you trust that friend? Well God is that kind of friend, and even more! You might not always like his advice, but if you take it, you'll be better for it. 

And all you have to do is be curious. Curious enough to say, "God the friend who sticks closer than a brother, I'd like to meet you." He'll show up and offer the much needed relief and support.

-Ayee Sha, Lagos

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